September

Once we knew we were leaving in 4 weeks there was so much to do. Mostly lots of people to see and soak up as much sun as we possibly could. We had movers and packers coming so we had to do very little in the way of preparation but things definitely started to change. This post is not necessarily about change, just our happens between hearing the official word and our move date.

Kelsey played and swam a lot with her friends in our final weeks in Avondale. While she was gone, Madison started getting really good at playing quietly. One day I was able to capture this moment. She had gotten the game out by herself, set it up and was "playing." I tried to play with her but she wanted to do it all by her self. It was adorable.

that precious moment was then followed by this moment when I said it was time to read stories. Hands down my favorite picture of Madison.

One weekend I drove Kelsey up to Sun City to say goodbye to the girls. We were going to do this anyway, but a few nights before it was planned Kelsey just broke into tears about having to say goodbye to the girls. I have never seen her cry so sincerely over such a "grown up" heartache. It was heart breaking. "why do we have to go. I love them so much.I'm so happy here. Why do we have to go?" We both cried as I explained that we will make new friends and now have friends in two places, but she just needed to be sad. The day that we went to say goodbye, Kelsey packed up a tea party to share with them. She brought the food, the dress up, the table and chairs, and accessories. She wanted it to be just like when they lived next door.We spent from breakfast to lunch with the Randells. It was really hard to say goodbye to such amazing friends and neighbors.

The weather had only cooled a tad but we made one last trip to the zoo with our pass. It was cool enough in the mornings that we were able to make a fun trip out of it.

Obviously we spent every free second with Aunt Kay. We went to ice cream, visited the office, made a few Blue Aprons, built pillow forts, played with Reo, looked for pomegranates,  and pretty much talked about anything but moving. Saying bye to Kay was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. She meant everything to our Phoenix experience. She was a friend, aunt, mother, and grandma depending on the need. She just knew what shoes to wear depending on the circumstances. We are so lucky to have been close to her for such a short time. We will always cross paths because we love Aunt Kay but hopefully we can live close again some day.

One night while we were all making our Blue Apron meals, we realized we hadn't heard from Kelsey in a while. From the bathroom, we hear Kay shout, "I found her, and you will need her camera." I walked in and found Kelsey applying every last ounce of bronzer that Kay owns. Come to think of it, I probably should pay Kay back for all the bronzer Kelsey used. But boy did Kelsey have a fun time. She was loving the big mirrors and make up. Look out future. We have a girly girl. (and I am so glad)

One of my favorite pictures of all time

In the stress of moving, I got really agitated with the girls and quiet often. I am not pleased with how I treat my girls when I am stressed. They do not deserve that. One day, Madison was going crazy for whatever reason and instead of holding her, I just lost it which obviously made her cry and the embarrassing part was I didn't even respond to her tears. I just walked out. I don't think that I need to respond to every tear my toddler sheds, but this was one I could have had sympathy over.
Anyway, not 10 minutes later, I heard singing from the room. Kelsey had scooped up Madison best she could, got her milk from the fridge and was singing her songs in her, Kelsey's, bed to calm down Madison. Kelsey has such a tender and kind heart. I could really learn a lot from both of them.

In the last weeks we were in AZ I was really getting sad of all the wonderful things a warm climate bring you namely
Beautiful sunsets and rises

Some of the best tropical fruit selection (and displays) I have ever seen
      I'm still super bummed about missing pomegranate, grapefruit, artichoke season

 And warm weather

Not related to anything, but this is probably the most beautiful bouquet I have ever seen. I couldn't buy it because we were leaving so soon, but boy did I want to

Ethan got a cute send off at work complete with cookies and this awesome poster!!

And for the sake of time and my fingers, we wrapped up September with a weekend trip to Seattle to find housing. It was the most stressful 36 hours of my life. Diana was able to come up to be with Kay and the girls and was so willing. I am grateful for a wonderful mother in law who treats me as one of her own.
We looked and looked and looked but just couldn't find anything. The only fun part about the trip was that Amazon paid for everything so we were able to buy and eat anywhere we wanted. We left Saturday evening feeling very discouraged and hopeless. Little did we know that 3 days later we would get our "tied for first" house. We were very blessed in our housing en devour. Blessed to ask the right question, look on line at the right time, contact the right people and so on. I know that the blessings don't always look the way we think they should, but they are there.


When in Seattle (don't worry everyone! Its a chocochip milkshake and hot coco)

We found this CRAZY place called XXX, but it was super fun

This is me losing all hope with wet feet, cold hands, and pouring rain, while Ethan is checking scores to games. He literally can find sunshine in a rain storm. Literally

Here's our cuties not missing us even kind of

Ethan turns 30

Well it happened. He turned 30. He has been dreading this day for about 10 years now. He literally has been saying he is almost 30 since the day I met him. I met him when we was 22.  I have to say though, that we celebrated pretty good so hopefully being 30 isn't too hard on him.


His outfit of choice

Kelsey helped me decorate the house on Ethan's actual birthday and she was really nervous that he would say one of two things:
"This looks weird" "Good job mom and not Kelsey"
Well, Ethan didn't say either of those things so it was a happy night. She was really worried that I would get credit for her hard work :)

Kelsey was in charge of the cake. Naturally it was pink on pink on pink

 

I love this face that Madsion makes. Its her "I Don't know" face

She also loved going to the dollar store and picking out everything football that she could find. Including cups, plates, and napkins

I can't really take credit for his birthday being awesome. All the credit goes to Dallin and Jake. They flew in for the weekend and I think that pretty much explains the weekend. It was non stop playing for three days. They all were so excited it was like watching a bunch of 12 year olds at a sleep over. They went golfing, spent 3 hours at the gym playing, went bowling, went to the BYU/U of A game, and watched more football than I care to keep track of. They were all in heaven. It was so cute.

There was a lot of this. They aren't even talking to each other. Like AT ALL!! "that was the most fun I've had in a long time," says Ethan. I guess I will never understand men.

 At the game

 I actually thought Arizona was pretty classy. Their band played our fight song, they made a Y in their formation (this awesome USA with AZ!!), and they played more adds for BYU than UofA including all of our athletes that competed in the olympics. That's probably pretty normal but it felt awesome.

 The Blacks, Uncle Kelly, and Aunt Kay also met us at the game

Okay, not to brag but our section was WAY bigger than UofA. I would say 60/40 at least. Also.. our sign was just way cooler.

 After the victory, there was just a lot of meditation. I didn't rush him,

 or them. They needed to soak this one in.

 On Sunday we had cake at Kay's house. It was delicious

Favorite Things

 I couldn't remember if I documented these pictures. I like using the blog as yet another way to protect pictures. Heaven help I ever lose my cloud access, I at least have some pictures here.

 NURSERY!!!! WHOO HOO!!!

Moving: Enough with the drama

Okay... lets calm down Cami. Enough with the drama! Drama, drama, drama. For the 9 people that read my overly dramatic, woe is me post, this is for (and me. Lets be honest. The post are ALWAYS for me!!)

A few days ago I finally got around to publishing my thoughts about the move and something amazing happened. As soon as I put them out there, I just felt happy. I can't explain why it was so instant, but it was like I just needed my voice to be heard. It was heard, and now I can move on. I seriously feel such a relief.

Am I still sad to move. Yes. Am I still bummed to miss the beautiful winter here? Obviously. But is it all doom and gloom like I made it out to be. Of course not!!

This move will be so good for our family and I LOVE moving. I really really really do. You get to see so many new things and places and people. I love getting to know a new area and love to fall in love all over again. Since I'm being honest, the idea of never moving scares me.

But this move is going to be so "easy"!
For starters, Amazon has taken care of EVERYTHING!! The only thing that we have to do is find housing. That is a big thing, but that is the only thing we have to do. I'm not even exaggerating and we all know how much I love to do that.
For seconds, we already have friends there. Not just acquaintances, but like true dear friends for life.
For thirds, we have family within 5 hours. I haven't lived this close to home since I lived at home. Granted, my parents are leaving in like 5 weeks, but still.
For fourths, Seattle is beautiful. We will have a gorgeous fall, we will endure and get through winter (still snowless!!!) and then have a summer that we have only dreamed about here. I mean seriously. It was 109 today! I think we are going to love the change.

I can go on and on. I don't redact my last feelings but I am over them. I'm ready for a change and can't wait for what life holds for us. I am nervous for the winter and am still scared about Seattle, but I feel such a peace in moving there. I'm not even nervous that we don't have housing and we need to be there in like 10 days!

Basically, life is good no matter where we live. Home is truly where you make it.

Moving: My thoughts exactly

I feel like this post is long over due mostly because these thoughts have been swirling in my head unorganized, but the time has come just to get them out of my head. I over think everything, but writing it down just helps me process. That seems to get things out of my head faster. I need my own personal Pensive. Wouldn't that be the coolest?! I debated whether or not to share this with the 2 other people that read this, but I really wanted to. Its nothing fancy, but in a weird way, having a few other people read my complete and honest thoughts about moving helps me to get over it and see the good.

I feel like the only question anyone has ever asked us since January is "when are you moving?" Its partly our fault because we made the mistake of announcing our said move before we knew all the details but in our defense we thought we had the details.
Lets back up (but not too far because that is super boring.)

In February we started feeling like we should pursue the Luxembourg route. In March (April/May?) Ethan flew out to Lux to get all the details and interview for the job. He got the job. We told our families because we had the job, we were just waiting for the final paper works to go through. Well, obviously, we aren't in Luxembourg so clearly that didn't happen. All that mental build up for nothing. During the course of our Luxembourg pursuit, we started asking people who had lived out side the country for their advice and opinions. Well word travels quickly and people LOVE to tell others news, so naturally before a few days everyone was asking when we were moving and that question hasn't really stopped since.

At long last, we finally have an answer for people. In January, we started talking about our time in Arizona. Based on the people before us, we knew that our time would end more like October than the full two years like they originally told us.  We talked about moving before the summer hit so we wouldn't have to do that again, but it just didn't feel right. Seattle talk got put on hold during the Lux research, but then it got picked back up again once we knew Luxembourg wasn't going to happen. Once we knew Seattle was for sure the place, we had to just sit and wait for the timeline to follow.
To sum up 6 months of waiting, Amazon runs like a giant ant hill. There is one definite queen bee, but there are a million other worker bees. Everyone has their lever and everyone has a boss. Sometimes the bosses don't always communicate before they give orders to therefore there is a lot of confusion. Also, Ethan is part of an "experimental" group. They took his hiring group and designated them as a class together. They all will work one position for 18-2 years and then rotate two times after that. Although they want them to rotate, they do not hold positions for them. Ethan and his group have to rotate, but then have to wait for openings to become available just like a new hire would. Instead of just switching positions, Ethan had to go "interview" to get a feel for the boss and team and so they could get a feel for him. Its kind of confusing and a lot of people asked me "so what if he never "fits" with a team? Does he still have a job?' Yes. Worst case scenario would include him interviewing until January. Amazon turns over thousand of employees each year. A spot was going to open up.

I'm a planner and live to write things in my calendar. Well, we didn't know when we were moving meaning we couldn't plan for school or what clothes to buy or where we would be for Christmas etc etc and for the first time in my life I didn't care. We were a little edgy after the whole Luxembourg thing so we prayed really hard to not care about this next thing. I can not tell you how blessed we were. I cared so little about not knowing that I was able to live my life and didn't think about it most days. We knew that eventually an answer would come and we just had to wait. We were honestly 100% okay with that.

Long story longer, we waited, Ethan "interviewed," got his new assignment and we found out that we were to move in 4 weeks. There has never been a smaller surprise in our whole marriage and yet, I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks. When I heard the news, it was like Ethan was springing this out of no where. He came bounding out of the room, relieved to finally have an answer and have that pressure taken off him and when he told me I just burst into tears. "You knew this was coming. Why are you so sad?" I couldn't answer. I DID know. I knew for a long time and yet I was so so sad!!

I've moved a lot in my married life, but this move hurts more than the others and that has me confused. I've always enjoyed where we have lived and I've always made great friends so why this? Why is this the move (to date) that hurts more than the others?  Ive been thinking a lot about why this move is different and here is what I've come up with:

1. Its irrational, but I feel like this moving isn't new. I've lived in Washington so the excitement is gone. Now, I know Seattle is not Spokane, and I keep reminding myself that, but I can't shake this feeling.
2. Every move we have been "moving up" in life. We graduated, we started our first job, we started graduated school, we lived in a huge city, etc. etc. This is the first move where life is pretty darn good and doesn't need to change due to circumstance but it has too.  The only reason we are moving is because we are being told to. It doesn't really feel like a move up the ladder in life. Its more like we jumped from one ladder to another but we are equally as far up.
3. Weather. I could go on and on and on about how bummed I am about the timing of the move. And to be totally frank, the next person that tells me Seattle is beautiful, I am going to slap them! Stop telling me that "Seattle is just as sunny as Phoenix" and "you will love the summer". A: that's not true and B I absolutely WILL love the summer: IN SUMMER!!! I am moving in winter!! I have so much anxiety to be moving from indoor season to indoor season. I have suffered from seasonal depression before and I just fear that I am setting my self up to fail.  I can't even begin to explain how sad I feel, feeling the weather get beautiful, knowing that we won't get to enjoy it. We step outside in the mornings and its only 80! And the nights are dropping to the low 90s! Every day it gets cooler and cooler and I can't help but be bitter.
And every time our friends post pictures of their lives in Seattle right now, they are always wearing coats and its always overcast.  Will I absolutely love summer and have I already planned more weekend trips and hikes than our legs can stand? Definitely. But it's not summer.
4. Seattle terrifies me. Do you know how much it cost to live there?! Do you know that we will live in a place half of what we do now and pay 3 times as much?! Did you know the average commute is 45 minutes and people celebrate that?! That terrifies me. Sure we lived in Chicago, but that was only for 4 months. Not years. Its much easier to accept the housing bill for a summer rather than a lifetime. The work life balance of Seattle scares me and the cost of living makes me feel like we will never send our girls to college. I know my thoughts are ridiculous. Amazon does not pay us more to live in Seattle than in Arizona, but we have been saving while we lived here. And Ethan has a very good job. We are blessed that he is even making money. Some people don't even have that. I know things will be fine and I am just being ridiculous, but for the time I am super nervous.
5.. Washington. I have never ever EVER wanted to move back to Washington. It was a great stop in my childhood, but it was in the past. Once i left, I never had the pull or desire to come back. Its not that I hate it. I totally LOVE It.  Its more that I know I am a different person than when I lived there and going back means that people will see me as I was not as I am. Now lets be honest. I know like 2 people in Seattle, maybe 1, but I can't shake this feeling. I  have been telling friends that we are moving to Seattle and everyone is like "I bet you have been trying to get back home for years. Its finally happening." No. Not at all. I ALWAYS imagined i would marry someone and we would live in a 100 different states before we settled and none of them would ever be Washington. I guess its just my pride that keeps me thinking like this. I keep thinking, "I don't want people to think I HAVE to live in Washington. " That is so rude and irrational of me, but I can't help it. It just feels like I took 3 steps back in life. I have developed a life outside of my childhood and for what? Is that true, no and I know that, but these are the thoughts running through my brain.
6. There is no way that I am, have ever, or will ever be cool enough to live in Seattle and I don't say that as a joke. I entirely mean that. I am not indie, I am not a hipster, I am not trendy. I try to look nice, but I am a mother of two, hope to drive a mini van someday soon, and wear sneakers daily because normal flip flops hurt my feet. I am not cool. This doesn't matter. I don't want to be cool, but in AZ it worked. I fit. Avondale is very laid back. People don't care what other people are doing or wearing. Maybe its because they are too hot to care, or the nature of where we live, but I love it and feel right at ease. I know that is not how it will feel in Seattle.  I don't care to keep up with the Jones's but I hate living in that mindset. I was surrounded by it in Provo and loved leaving it. You don't realize that you are living in it until you are free from its bounds. It has been the most refreshing feeling leaving Provo and recreating a life of "relaxtivity."
Also, I have never met a group of people who care so little about what each other is doing, in the way of worldly things, as I have here. I mean they literally do not care or try to compete with each other at all. It is amazing. Everyone is exactly who they want to be, eat what they want to eat, wear what they want to wear, and say what they want to say no matter who is around. No one puts on a show or tries to be like other people. I'm not good at wording this, but I mean this all as a compliment. It is amazing. No one apologizes for living or doing or saying. They just act. And are truly just trying to be the best versions of themselves. When they are together they sometimes acknowledge their differences but mostly just focus on the things they have the same. It is the least competitive area I have ever lived and I have loved it. I have really gained a new appreciation of self confidence and being my own self. I haven't tried to "fit in" because there is no "fitting in." You are already in, so I have just tried to figure out what I like.  I'm nervous to leave it.
7. Now this is hard to write without being totally hypocritical. We have a lot of friends already in Seattle (THANKFULLY!!!) Many of them have already reached out and expressed their excitement (THANKFULLY!!!!) But in my irrational state I almost feel overwhelmed. As hard as moving is, I have always gotten a little bit excited of the idea that when you move you can start over. Its always a fresh start. No one ever knew what you were like before. They didn't know if you licked frosting from the containers or had blue hair. You got to be anything you wanted and you got do anything you wanted and I just loved having that little gem in the back of my pocket. We are now moving to a place full of people who love us and know us very well (THANKFULLY!!!). They are helping us with housing and jobs and schools and life. I would be lost without them. But the there is a tiny tiny tiny sliver of me that gets a little worried that  I don't get to start over. I don't get to be someone new. Not that I wanted to, but that mystery is gone if that makes sense.  Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous and self loathing?!
8. And then obviously I will miss my life here in AZ. I will miss waking up EVERY! SINGLE! MORNING!! to sunshine. I will miss the smell of the orange blossoms in February because I literally have never smelt anything more divine in my entire life. I will miss Halloween, where everyone sits on their driveways and eats tamales. I will miss the friends that have turned into family for me. I will miss my gym because this is the first gym that I have ever joined and I feel very attached to it. I will miss my Arizona skies becasue there is just something different about it here. I will miss my thunderstorms rolling in for miles.  I will miss my sweet primary kids because I've never been in a presidency and now I have to say good bye to them. I will miss my golfers and sitting out on a January afternoon, soaking in the sun with the girls, watching golf cart after golf cart drive by. I will miss wearing skirts year round because what is better than a cute way to wear elastic. I will miss our big open house that has terrible lighting but is so spacious compared to our box apartments before. I will miss the life we have created meaning we can go to the beach for the weekend (and did) or we can drive to Mexico (and did) for a quick trip. I will miss Aunt Kay. I will miss swimming in October and playing at the park in December. I will miss pomegranate and artichoke season where you can buy both for less than a dollar. I will miss fresh tamales from the creepy guy in the parking lot but it made the most Merry Christmas. I will miss my palm tree and zero effort yard. I will miss my hot turf that held my golf ball collection. And I will miss the person I have become. So much of my heart is being held here and it hurts to pull it away. AZ holds a lot of first for Ethan and I. It just is sad to have to leave it here

Moving is always hard, and I know I will read this in 6 months and laugh at how ridiculous I sound. I know that, but for now, my heart hurts and I try to fake it but its not working.This move will be so much better work wise for our family  and I absolutely know and have a completely peace that Seattle will be a perfect fit for our family. I know with a shadow of a doubt that we will love it there and I will cry when we have to leave THERE, but until then I will cry to leave this place. God bless you Arizona.

Josh Groban

The first time I ever heard Josh Groban on the radio, I was sold. He was in high school and was able to sing songs as smooth as honey. Now, I don't know much about him as a person. He could be a total creep, but he is a man with a gift! I have always wanted to see him in concert and Ethan finally helped that come true.
Its kind of funny actually. Every where we move, we miss Josh Groban by just a couple of months. Either he was just there or he was on his way. I really just assumed that I would never have the pleasure of seeing him in person. I just always assumed that it would be too good to come true.  While we were in Utah, I saw a billboard that said he was coming to Utah a month after the family reunion. I laughed out loud because it was like "obviously!" Little did I know that Ethan already had an amazing trip in the works for me.

One particularly moody day, I was coming home from the gym  upset about something (probably entirely selfish with no justification because thats typically what it is!!) and when I pulled into the garage, I saw a sign on the door. It actually was a serious of signs taped together which ultimately read: Cami, Its been on your list, So lets make it happen, Josh Groban in two weeks in Utah!, Have fun. Something like that! At first I didn't believe it, but it was true! After a good cry of gratitude (and humility for my previous actions) I started to get ready for my trip.

On Friday August 19th, Ethan and the girls dropped me off at the airport and I flew to Utah to see Josh Groban in concert! I stayed at the Kidd's house (they were out of town) and spent the day just shopping on my own, eating out on my own, sleeping in, and just what ever I wanted to do. It was amazing! We had so many people question our methods: "Cami went to a concert by herself?" "You stayed home with the girls while Cami is in Utah?" " Ethan, you must need help because Cami is out of town" and so on. They all meant well, but I assure you, we planned this exactly to our liking. Ethan and the girls were alone a total of 36 hours and totally fine! They had a ball. I don't really know what they did, but I know it was fun. Plus, they are Ethan's children too and he completely agrees. He can take care of them as much as I can. Sure its different (and more fun with dad) but he is a smart, strong, confident person. He can rock it solo for a day and a half. And as for me.. As a mother, nothing in the world sounded more fun than flying on an airplane, going to a concert, eating out, and shopping ALL!! BY!!!MY!!SELF!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!! I completely love my family and I love being a mom, but it was so much fun to just sit at that concert and not care AT ALL what anyone else was doing or saying or thinking. I didn't have to worry if anyone was having a good time or eating food off the floor or needed to go potty. I just sat there. It was a little slice of heaven.

So on Saturday I went shopping and out to eat and then I headed over to the concert at 6. It took a couple of U-turns to get into the parking lot because the line was so long and then it took a while to get to my seat, but I was so excited that I didn't even care. I was 100% the youngest person there and 100% the only person there by myself and I think that's what made it was wonderful. I loved being there! It was such a fun and positive and joyful atmosphere. Everyone was out on a date with their loved one and it was fun to be apart of that.

The opening acts were Sarah Mclachlan  and a band named Foy Vance. I don't love either of them, but they certainly were talented musicians. It was really fun to hear them. Josh came on the stage at 8:30 and I started to cry. He is actually a hilarious entertainer and told some great stories, but he knew that we all just wanted him to sing. His voice is as clear as they come. What you hear on the cd is what you hear live.He truly has such a powerful gift. I don't know how long he sang, but after what felt like a few minutes he was like "Alright, for my last number..." I was shocked. How could this be your last number when you have only been singing performed for 30 minutes. I looked at my watch and it was 11:30!!! He had actually been singing for 3 hours!!! Time FLEW

I love that professional musicians can literally play like every instrument. I think it is amazing. He played the piano and drums during this concert. It was so much fun. 

I thought the cell phone glow was hilarious! And although this is not my favorite Josh Groban song, everyone was going crazy becasue he sang it. I was hoping he would sing Brave or Don't Give Up but gotta do the fan favorites.

He sang two numbers in French, one in Italian, two in Spanish, and a few from previous albums. He didn't sing any of my top 5 songs, but I honestly can say that I didn't mind. It was just so much fun to hear him live that I was happy with what I got.

The concert ended and I sat in the seats for 30 minutes waiting for people to clear out and then sat in my unstarted car for 30 ,more minutes waiting for traffic to clear, and finally made my way home at 12:30. On Sunday I went to church with Scott, and then made my way to the airport. It was a quick trip, but the complete recharge that I needed and wanted. I had so much fun and loved just being Cami for a weekend. I love all my roles in life, but sometimes I just need to take a minutes to remember to be each one. This time was just Cami time and I am so grateful to Ethan for making it happen.

This alone was worth the trip. Christne's garden was exploding with tomatoes so guess who only ate tomatoes all weekend?!